· Ghosting, texting, and going for a walk: The best ways to break up. In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. Last year, I 69, My boyfriend and I broke up. Up until the last second of our relationship he insisted that he still loves me. Yet the very next day he was back online dating. And no, I wasn't on there · 2. Online dating is addictive. Right after I decided to stop going on OKCupid, I actually had to stop my hands from typing the "o" into my browser when I wanted a work · 1. Do talk it out in person. If you’ve been dating someone for a while and want to break up, a goodbye text message just isn’t enough. You have to be an adult and talk to them Addressing this person by name and with a comma is probably best, as in, “Hi Greg,”. Next, if this person invited you out and paid for all or most of your date (s), say thank you. This can be ... read more
I love you soooo much. I talked to my friends about this, and they said some guys just are that way, they just won't end it the proper way because they keep you as a back up plan. They are cowardly and don't want to be the one to end it. After reading about your story, I realize there is no turning back, if he won't properly end it, I will be the bigger person and do it. I am totally done with this BS. It's difficult and hard to be alone; I am feeling it right now. Its hard to move forward but we MUST.
we can't let crappy messed up people make us feel this way and ruin our life. We must continue on, and NEVER give up on ourselves. We have this one precious life and we are GOOD, Kind, loving women who just let the wrong SELFISH person into our lives. If anyones reading this now, you are the most important person and no one should treat you like that. You may be experiencing pain now, but know that it can only get better from her. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. I just close my eyes and imagine everything I want in your life right now a family, kids, friends, career and happy memories.
Imagine what it would be like, and use that to keep you going and keep you living everyday. There's this one youtube nooma video that I saw and it really stuck with me, but he quotes this verse "As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
I'm trying hard to practice what I preach, it won't be easy, but I won't give up on myself and knowing how great I am, please don't give up on yourselves too. Don't let their bad character make you miserable. Take it day by day. Thanks again so much for sharing your story, you really made me feel more empowered to move on and be a strong person. I am going to move on and stop trying to see if he's online and look at his profile It's not worth my time anymore.
THANK YOU. Wow i guess everyone goes through the same things. Were all strong woman though you know? The love of my life cheated on me and we loved each other like no other those dating sites are horrible anyone can make one.
I dealt with that we met when we were both Okay well he cheated on me so i did the same it back fired on me now i have a beautiful baby. I cant say that things are any different with my new guy. After we got into an argument broke up he sent me pictures of the girls he had messaged!! Like who tf does that. that should lead you to all his apps that he is using. thats how i learned by my own.
If he doesnt have any good for you guys. but i learned DTA dont trust anyone. But make sure you dont spend any of your money on your guys. And check his profile if he hides it more than likely hes doing something behind your back.
And honestly i felt so in love with my ex at 16 assumed i was in "love". but far as i know the reason i probably felt that way was because he was coming home to me at night and i got to lay with him do everything together. The worst is feeli g so comfortable looking into eachothers eyes. That sense of security. But that was lie to. i'm such a hypocrite. i know my "ex" has done bad things we've been together 11 months and its long distance.
Everything was ok, but we got into a big fight last month, and i texted him things like "I"m not a priority for you. don't ever call me again. I'm over it. THen two days later I tried calling him and texting him and he wouldn't pick up for 1 week. He just texted me, "you said its over". He then went onto the dating site, and when I found his profile, I was just like Ok have to move on now, which is when i wrote my previous post.
But then I just wanted closure and I apologized and he's still telling me he loves me even though he doesn't think it would workout long term.
He still uses words like "sweetie" and says "of course i still love you; you think my feelings just turned off for you? ONe part of me feels like I should just MOVE ON, and i know i should. but the other feels like it was my fault because I technically broke up with him first and I should try to at least have a discussion with him before cutting off all ties again But is he just trying to keep my hooked because he's mad and wants to manipulate me?
I know I'm acting like a dumb person now, thinking "oh maybe he still loves me etc I don't want to be one of those stupid people but I know i'm acting like one by still talking to him.
the worst thing is that I'm in med school now So i can't let this relationship ruin my studies which is why i just want to end all contact with him at the same time. ok this is just the last update but yeah its officially over and i finally feel OK.
I needed closure and i know people say you can never get closure, but my closure was a phone call just letting him know how I felt, all my feelings. Telling him how he can't text me as if we're still in a relationship, how hurt i felt, and that I knew he was online.. I'm not sure he heard me, but for me, I just wanted to be heard you know?
just be myself and get out everything that's been suppressed. I felt like i was telling my friends everything and asking them for advice but in reality I just needed to face him and stop lying to myself.
Even my friends said, there was NO point in telling him. I also didn't want to ever contact him again because of my pride.. you know.. I wanted it to be me rejecting him in a sense? But I called him anyways and now I feel like a weights been lifted off my shoulder. I can now just fully start to heal and move on. I tried my best and I can't do anything else to change the situation. Oh well goodnight. I have a test in 4. I pray i pass and don't fail because of this because that would really suck.
Hi All! I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We survived the hard separation, but it happened. To soften the bitterness of parting, she and I have created profiles on dating sites. I created a profile on website Kovla, and she — on the website eHarmony.
Meet new people soften the pain of loss, allow a little forgotten. We'll start again meet later, but so far we need a break from each other. Honestly I could have written this myself. We were together a Year. But everything always has to be his way, if he's annoyed hell lash out and have his say, and then says he's not arguing n drop it.
But why should I drop it when he's already caused the argument t. So I want my say in response, but because I retaliate it's my fault we argue and the one always wanting drama.
He has several issues, will never admit then. Anger issues over ridiculous things he'll get so angry. And talk appallingly - calls me all sorts his mum get spoken to awfully too but he says its just because he's angry and then calms down and all is fine again.
He's very depressed etc but that's why we connected because we had a mutual understanding on that one. He would never come to mine I have my own house, he lives with his mum so hed expect me to drag my 4 year old to his and mess up her routine, so I stopped doin in because I couldn't put her through it any more. But because j refused to do that, it's my fault we never saw eachother the last 6 months were like it.
He's a smoker weed and the main reason he doesn't come to mine is because he can't smoke at mine. He'll never admit it. Petty argument escalated 2 weeks ago. Few exchanges back n forth, we still love eachother wish we could make it work blah blah blah, then few days ago I found out he had signed up online.
I was heartbroken that we still haven't fully said that we're never getting back together and he's chattin with other girls. I called him on it, he says that I don't k ke him that well if I reckon he'd jump into another relationship straight away.
Says he only did it to see if he was liked. Last night I set up a fake profile ridiculous I know but I needed to know Low n behold he's messagin chit chat to me and the "fake" profile too! Not flirting as such, but started making out tk this fake person that I still wanted him back and was upset bout breakup but what's the point in arguin constantly. I'm now stck in limbo, because he's keeping me hanging and still seeing what's out there too, How can he claim to beso devastated bout s breaking up that e has to take time off work and has nothing to live for, but in the same breath have such lack of respect for me that he's chatting to God knows how many other girls.
I really love this guy, and I just want to get over him, but can't because I feel like I need to know whether his feelings for me were even genuine. Sorry for essay, nobody else to talk to!
Your story has helped me out so much, I have been thru hell and back with my now ex boyfriend. We were together for 3 years, he lived with me for two.
We met on Pof ugh and grew a very loving bond so I thought. Things seemed good, but than he started asking me to borrow him money, he would almost guilt trip me if I didn't. Long story short, I fell into his trap and borrowed a lot of money to him..
Well about a year into the relationship I found out he cheated on me and was talking with the other women daily.
He begged me to not leave him a do counseling, which I did.. however I was so hurt that everyday was miserable. We went to counseling for a full summer.. And ended up stopping when I caught him talking to her again I kicked him out of my house only for him to go talk to her some more and than like a fool I took him back a few days later, I don't get myself..
We spent another two years together, with me not believing him and catching him in lie after lie.. By this point he'd borrowed 20k from me and just a week ago I came home from work to a note on tnt kitchen counter saying it's over- oh..
Add to this, he would pack up all his things and leave and come back all the time, this was nothing new, but every time he did this I would panic, cry, drink, cry, drink..
I got so low that I felt like ending my life. I don't understand why I felt this crazy. Well, now that he's been gone for a week, he says he has no phone so can only email- lie again..
Last night I went into my computer that I rarely use to configure my new fitbit only to see he didn't log out of his Gmail account.. Guess what, he already made a pof account and was chatting with other singles. That killed me. Three years and you can move on like that! He wrote me emails that's week saying he misses me and still loves me??
Talk about confusing. I emailed him and called him out on his dating profile and he emailed back blaming me for everything and calling me horrible names, making fun of things I'd shared with him. Just horrible. I have decided to never speak to him again, but what I cannot figure out is why it hurts so bad and why do I still love him??? Hi, it's me again, the original poster. First let me just say wow.
I never thought sharing my story online or in real life would be so helpful to so many people. I actually checked back here today because I'm actually doing so well and thought I'd just give an update.
I actually cried twice today - once earlier because I couldn't believe how well I'm doing and how happy and lucky I am, and the second time when I came back here and read all of your stories. My heart goes out to you all in such a big way. I wish I could hug every single one of you and let you know it's going to be okay because I really believe it will be and I hope deep down inside you know that, too. I've been saying this for a while now, but sometimes the absolute worst thing you ever thought could happen to you ends up being the best thing that could ever happen in disguise.
It may be really bad, you may even want to end your life at times, but we never know what lies ahead and how amazing it can be if we try to make some changes and then give it some time. After all of the horrible things I've been through in my life, some of which I know many people wouldn't have been able to fully recover from, I am so thankful - thankful that I did recover, thankful that I found the love and support I needed to get through this, thankful that I know I don't have to be the victim and am mentally strong enough to live my life for me and not let that any of that affect me or dictate the way I live.
I'm thankful just to be alive and my best revenge to the people who wronged me my almost ex-husband in particular is living a wonderful, full, happy life. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we thought it would - actually, most times it doesn't, or mine never did.
But that isn't necessarily a bad thing even if it seems like it at the time. In the past year alone, I moved 3 times and will have to move one or two more before the year completes, I gave up my career when I was right where I wanted to be, I left my family and friends half way across the country, I got married and am still going through a divorce, I've lost a baby, I've been betrayed by the person I loved more than anything in the world on many levels, I've been abused and cheated on and lied to, I've been thrown out like a piece of trash while pregnant with his child, I'm pretty financially drained after everything, too, and I honestly couldn't feel any better than I do right now.
Sounds crazy, right? Hear me out. My life may not be perfect again yet, but I am trying the best I can to live for now and make it count. I've reconnected with all of my family and friends and even made new ones, and they are all very wonderful and I'm fortunate. I know that. It took a lot of effort on my part to make this happen. All of this did. I am even seeing a very nice guy now. I didn't think I would be able to for a long time but sometimes it just happens.
I had completely forgotten what a normal relationship even felt like or that they existed. I was so used to things being so bad that it felt normal and I was so deluded by it until I left and had some time away from it all. There is a world of difference in every possible way and you can see right away all of those things you forgot about.
Once you're removed from the situation for a period for a period of time it really becomes crystal clear. I may not have my career back on track just yet but that is coming along as well and I'm trying hard to make it happen. All of this did take quite a bit of time and it was horrible to go through, and I still have times when I remember something from the past and it brings me down, but those moments are getting less and less frequent now and much less extreme.
After the first few months, I've been improving faster than I ever thought possible. It's hard because this is the first time in my life that I haven't been able to completely forgive someone for what they did, and I've forgiven people for plenty of things that I know not everyone would.
I suppose forgiveness is really something we do for ourselves, not the other person. I'm working on that. I'm a lot closer to forgiving him but it's a process and I'm at least comfortable with it now and it doesn't bother me anymore. When I would think of him, and there are still parts of me that miss things about my ex every once in a while, I just tell myself that I can't love a ghost. By that I mean I can't love someone who doesn't exist or no longer exists because he just isn't that person anymore, or he was never the person I thought he was or that he said he was.
He proved that over and over again with his actions. Lesson learned. Always pay much more attention to someone's actions than their words.
Words alone are not enough and can be deceiving. Anyway, once I got away from all of the bs that was clouding my vision, it really became clear how lucky I am and what a great life I'm making for myself again despite all the things that have happened to me. Starting over is a good thing. It's hard at first but it feels amazing to be me again. In a way I had given my ex control by letting him keep me down and I've taken that power back now.
Now I feel like I can be anything I want to be and do anything I want to do again. I don't judge myself by what others have done to me. I don't live my life being afraid. I haven't let him change me permanently. I remembered and learned all over again how to hope and dream and believe and just be me. Instead of being distrustful of others and wondering what people's intentions are I've been welcoming them into my life with open arms and have not been disappointed as of yet.
If you think that you have changed for the worse because of someone, remember that who you are is still inside and always will be, just waiting to come out in the proper environment. You are only temporarily changed and only for as long as you allow it to happen. It takes a lot of effort and patience and it's a long process, but it will be okay. To all of the people who read this or commented or shared their own stories, thank you.
You are all wonderful and I'm glad we can give each other the additional strength and support we need to push us along through the tough times. Sometimes advice is just something we ask for when we already know the answer but aren't necessarily comfortable with that answer.
No matter what happens, I want you to know that you are a lot stronger than you probably think you are and you will get through this.
It will be okay. Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but eventually it will be okay. I just wanted to say a few things to the people who commented since my last post here in case any of you are still reading this. I know I'm a little late to respond but better late than never:.
Lita, you are great for sharing and I appreciate everything you've said. You hit the nail right on the head in that last comment where you said "I know everyone will have different outcomes and all, but I agree that sometimes we need to note the signs and stop ignoring them because we are blinded by the feeling, the comfort, etc.
It is sometimes hard to separate the feelings especially when so much investment has gone in. Sweetpea, you sound very sweet. I feel for you for going through this for so long. I hope things have improved. You didn't say too much about your situation but it didn't sound loving or supportive at the time. Just remember, even if he did fight for the relationship this time around, it's a good sign but it can't be something that just happens some of the time.
Article Summary. Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS Last Updated: May 6, References. Part 1. Think about the benefits of being honest. It may be better for you and the other party to be upfront and honest about ending things. You can do this face-to-face, or via text. If you've never met this person in real life, or only met them a couple of times, there's no need to meet them face-to-face. However, a longer relationship would benefit from a face-to-face meeting.
You won't have to awkwardly avoid the person in the future. You will also avoid any feelings of guilt. If you simply cut someone out, you may regret it later. For example, you may not have romantic feelings for them, but they might be a good friend. The major con is rejecting someone is hard.
The other person may react negatively if you reject them. You also may not feel you owe someone a rejection if you only knew them via the internet. However, if the person seems very invested or interested in you, you should probably be honest about your feelings so they have some closure and can move on. If you met someone in real life, and dated for a few weeks, try meeting up in real life. If you only talked to someone online, or only met them a few times, you can break up via text or email.
Consider tapering off contact. Sometimes, it's best to slowly taper off contact. If you never met this person in real life, or if you only had one date, consider just slowing or ending contact until they take the hint. If the other party doesn't seem invested either, it may be appropriate to slowly stop returning texts and emails.
This is probably not the best approach if the other person seems more invested. If you're getting a lot of texts, emails, and other forms of contact, the other person may want to move towards a serious romance. If this is the case, simply ceasing contact can leave them feeling confused and hurt. A conversation may be better. Try waiting for them to contact you.
Another approach is allowing the other party to contact you. If you're not sure if the other party is invested in the relationship, give it a few days. If you don't receive any contact, it's safe to assume the other person is not interested in continuing things.
At this point, it's fair to simply move on without a formal breakup. Choose a time to break the news. In the event you decide to be direct, choose a time to have the conversation. If you're comfortable, you can meet in person. If you don't feel comfortable meeting up again, you can send them a text or email.
This is especially important if the other party seems more enthusiastic than you. Give it a day or so, and then get in touch with them. Pick a time when you assume the person is free. If there's a particular time you were regularly exchanging texts and emails, this is probably a good time to talk.
Consider the length and type of your relationship. There's no need to schedule a meetup with someone you haven't had a serious relationship with or never met in person. At the same time, it's considered a dating faux pas to breakup with someone you've been seeing for a while via text.
If you've had limited or no face-to-face contact, it's okay to call or text. Otherwise, tell them face-to-face. Part 2. Identify why you're breaking things off. Before the conversation, figure out why you don't want to continue the relationship. This will help you better express your feelings. Consider what went wrong, if anything, and why you're not interested in the other person.
The person may have said something that indicated you wouldn't be compatible. For example, the two of you may want different things from a romance. You don't have to be brutally honest with the other person. If there was something particular you disliked about them, there's no need to tell them. However, knowing on your own end can make you more confident about breaking things off. Agree with yourself that you will keep it simple. Stay realistic about what the relationship was. Maybe you're sick of seeing your coworkers appear on Tinder, or none of your Hinge matches are piping up, or you've read so many OkCupid profiles you're starting to go cross-eyed.
There's no reason to continue doing something that doesn't make you happy at least some of the time. Feel free to take a break no matter what anyone says, because online dating will always be there when you're ready to dive back in. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Video Spring Challenge Workouts Columnists Newsletter Signup. You feel a crushing sense of disappointment if someone doesn't respond to you.
Online dating feels like another thing on your to-do list. Everyone you talk to online reinforces the idea that "all the good ones are taken. Your schedule is double-booked more nights than not. You're doing it for appearances even if you don't realize it. Before every date, you consider flaking because your couch just feels too good.
You find yourself sticking to a script on the date. Most Popular. You're starting to wonder what's wrong with you. You keep avoiding your inbox because it seems too exhausting. And you just don't want to anymore. Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November , working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor.
She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness. Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing Read more. Topics dating.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. Up until the last second of our relationship he insisted that he still loves me. Yet the very next day he was back online dating.
And no, I wasn't on there looking for anyone else, that's not what happened. In fact, I am still very much in love with him. And no, he wasn't on there before we broke up either. Those are the facts. I don't understand why someone would insist they love you and say that they want things to work out but don't think they can, then go looking for someone else the next day.
That would be mean they don't love you, right? Then why would they insist they do? And if they do, how could they be looking for someone else so soon? Can someone help me make any sense of this? Also, because he is looking, I stupidly decided maybe I should, too.
So I now have an online dating profile again, too. I am devastated and heartbroken and don't feel ready for this at all as I still love him and it wouldn't be fair to anyone else either. I feel that this is going to take me a long time to get over. Is it a good idea to have one anyway? Should I just keep trying despite the circumstances and how I feel?
Is this a good method to recover from a loss like this for some people or something? And if you were him and saw that I had one now too how would you feel? Only make an online profile for the purposes of seriously finding someone. Don't do it to make him jealous, or to find a rebound.
Trust me, it's easier to suffer the old fashioned way rather than making things even more complicated. As far as his words and actions? Good question. Did he offer a reason why he wanted to end things?
Online dating has it's disadvantages too. Communication must be truthful. It's the only way you can truly see if someone is legit or not. You don't have the advantages of the hugs after a disagreement, or being able to see someones face or body language when they speak.
You're right. I only had the online dating profile for 1 night. I got rid of it within less than 24 hours. It felt terrible. The whole time I felt sick to my stomach about it. Several people talked with me and I just couldn't even continue. It felt incredibly wrong. It's not fair to anyone else and I can't even pretend to look for someone else while I still feel the way I do about him. As for the reason things ended, we had been arguing a lot lately.
He couldn't seem to get over little things, or took a long time to recover at least. He seemed to be having a lot of issues, a lot of which he started to take out on me. He seemed unhappy with life and it seemed to start seeping into our relationship and I became unhappy with things and emotional about everything as well.
We both were. I would get sad and he would get angry. I came up with ways to fix this communication breakdown, which we both agreed were working. I guess it was just too late. He said he loves me and wants to be with me he just doesn't know if he can anymore.
He said he doesn't have the energy left to put into fighting like this and needed more from me in order to try that hard again. I tried sooo hard to fix things but I couldn't fix them by myself. When things got tough I tried to fix them and he was just at a loss and didn't know what to do anymore. I cried and told him how much I love him and that it didn't have to be this way.
I could see he couldn't do this anymore but was having a hard time saying it all. He said relationships are work but shouldn't be this much of a struggle. He seemed so concerned with his needs not being met, yet previously he had told me I was the only person who's ever been able to meet his needs physically, mentally, and emotionally when things were good anyway. My needs were not being met at that point either but I was still trying to make him happy and I overlooked a lot because I love him so much.
The thing is, he used to tell me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, marry me, that I was his perfect match, the best he ever had, the best thing that ever happened to him, that he would always be there for me and never give up on me, and yet that's exactly what he did when things got bad, he gave up.
Up until the very end he insisted that he still loved me and I said if he did he wouldn't be doing this and he would fix it with me. Then he got very angry with me for saying that wasn't true. I gathered my things, gave him back my key to his house, and left. I still can't help but feel devastated. When things were good, they were beyond amazing. When they were bad they were really bad.
But why throw away something that could have been that amazing again? What we had before all of this arguing was something that's hard to come by. I guess he just couldn't handle it anymore. I hated the arguing too. It was so sad and it hurt like hell. I feel like a lot of the arguing was about little things that turned into big things. It wasn't an issue of core values or anything like that. I still wish it could have been resolved and think it could have if he gave it more of a chance rather than take on the attitude of when things get difficult to try less, or so it seemed, although he says he was trying but admits not as much as could have toward the end.
The way he was at the end was really horrible. I thought about writing him a letter and letting him know that I still love him and that I'm sorry while acknowledging that things were over but still wishing him the best just to get some closure. Then I thought about asking him if he would like to try to be friends someday although it's too soon.
But I would always want more. And he has moved on or at least it appears that he is trying to. I guess that is a bad idea? I really want him to be happy but I need to be, too. Is the letter or asking for friendship down the road a bad idea? Are either a good idea? Or should I just say nothing ever? I'm hurting so much. I'm probably not thinking right and I don't know what the right answer is. Ok hon, I got half way down the page reading your second reply and realized something.
You and he didn't have an online relationship, right? He just made an online profile after the break up, correct? I was under the assumption that you and he hadn't met before. I was WAY off base there. We guys do it sometimes. Just like stupidly you made a profile, guys can do it too. After break up, when you are depression, you just make a profile, go out to make feel good about yourself. Doesn't necessarily mean seriously searching.
Molly, no. We didn't have an online or long distance relationship or anything like that. It was in person and we did just about everything together. And yes, he reactivated an old online dating profile the day after the break up. Itachi, thank you for your input as well. I just can't grasp why someone would insist that they still love me and yet be looking for someone else the next day.
I tried for a matter of hours and that was days after the break up and it made me feel sick inside. I'm having a hard time understanding.
69, My boyfriend and I broke up. Up until the last second of our relationship he insisted that he still loves me. Yet the very next day he was back online dating. And no, I wasn't on there Addressing this person by name and with a comma is probably best, as in, “Hi Greg,”. Next, if this person invited you out and paid for all or most of your date (s), say thank you. This can be · 1. Do talk it out in person. If you’ve been dating someone for a while and want to break up, a goodbye text message just isn’t enough. You have to be an adult and talk to them · Ghosting, texting, and going for a walk: The best ways to break up. In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. Last year, I · 2. Online dating is addictive. Right after I decided to stop going on OKCupid, I actually had to stop my hands from typing the "o" into my browser when I wanted a work ... read more
JAYSPOP HAS NOT BEEN ONLINE SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING!!!! He's very depressed etc but that's why we connected because we had a mutual understanding on that one. Good luck with your next steps I am going through exactly what you described and this is why I am reaching out to you. You'l be just punishing yourself. Stop contacting the person after the breakup.The bottom line is, even if you love him, let him go if he's doing things like that and treating you that way. It's hard at first but it feels amazing to be me again. In other languages Português: Terminar com Alguém que Você Conheceu na Internet. But if I ever do, breaking up online dating, I will never make the same mistakes again and will never stand for someone treating me like this. because that would really suck.